May252013

You, me, a cheap motel, warm beer, and cold pizza.

Dear Online Dater,

You seem like a really sensitive soul.  It’s so rare that men actually listen to what women want.  You have clearly mastered this skill.  I look forward to the bed bug bites and food poisoning that will undoubtedly ensue after our date.

L

December142011

rare elegant sweet simple classy cute pink pretty mermaid sighted tonight!!! insanely precious )))))


Dear Online Dater,

Where did you find this mermaid?!  Did you get a picture with your iphone?  I hope you were able to get a date with your insanely precious mermaid - that’s a rare find indeed.

L

December132011

I was hoping if we hit it off in our messages I could invite you over for a nice seafood dinner. I would catch lobsters myself, with my bare hands, from the nearest waters that inhabit them, which is the tank at the Red Lobster down the street. I would cook them for you in my kitchen…naked if you desire. Then we would indulge in the lobsters, along with any side dishes you would like, and a few glasses of wine from my cellar. Over dinner we could chit chat a bit, you could discover that I am more than just a guy with the physique of a greek god, and I could discover that you are a smart, sweet heavenly blessed beauty just putting on a calloused façade. If you enjoyed my company then perhaps we could do it again if not then you leave with a stomach full of good food when otherwise on a night like that you would throw one of your Lean Cuisines in the microwave and watch Oprah.

Dear Online Dater,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful message.  I bet you’ve developed your greek god physique from all the lobster hunting you’ve been doing.  I can put the lean cuisine aside, but our date will have to wait til after Oprah.  Let’s save the nakedness for the second date.

Best,

L

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